On My Feelings for DC....

So, I’ve been meaning to think out my feelings for DC for quite some time. But, with the last weeks of school and finals and then moving out of my room taking over my life, I found it nearly impossible to actually think about my move.....So, here is my attempt to.

Please note though, this is completely stream-of-consciousness and as such should be taken with a grain of salt as it is merely my attempt to process my incredibly life-changing decision to (finally) go out on my own and move to D.C. for the summer.....

And so it begins:

I am scared out of my wits.

There, I said it. This is an insanely drastic and scary change. But, I am really excited. I have the opportunity to try out essentially what I want to do for the rest of my life in the city that I want to do it in!

I mean, who doesn’t want that?

But, I am scared. What if my housing doesn’t work out and I find myself homeless? My bank account can only hold me out for so long (yea, not that long to be truthful). And well, That is scary!

And what if I don’t like it? That would be the scariest thing to occur of all. This has been my dream for years. I mean, pretty much since I really considered thinking about the future I wanted to live in DC. And at that point, I had only visited for a week, during which I dove through a glass table.....

And well, I didn’t know much back then about the real world to be completely honest. Now, I do and I know that it’s a scary place where many people get eaten alive. What if I find that my dream is something that I cannot live with? What if I find that I simply do not belong there? What if.....

And there is much more than that....

My friend who had this internship last year found it horribly disheartening. He had the same basic dream as I did when he went in. And he found that dream shattered when he faced the reality of the situation back at the office.....

While I think he will still be in DC in the end, or at least at some point, I know that it really hit him hard.

What if my dreams are similarly shattered? Can I take that? Can my dreams take that? I mean, I understand that we do not always achieve our dreams and I know that life is hard and all that; but what if my life ends up in that way?

And then there is my living arrangements (again). What if I can’t handle the ridiculous commute, especially at night? I mean, I don’t plan on staying out in DC every night late but I know I want to some nights, I know some really awesome bands are coming. It’s just...well...it’s not like what happened a few weeks ago scares me or anything, I know that I generally am really safe, blah blah blah. But, there is always that what if. And it gets increasingly bigger when I realize that that “what if” has a higher probability to occur....

I mean really though, WHAT IF I DON’T LIKE IT!?

Sorry to be whinny.....

On the brighter side, I am really excited and I love the amazing opportunity that I have been given in being given this internship.

I also know how exciting the stuff I’ll be working on will be. I mean, I’m the intern where i WANT to be in! (For confidentiality’s sake, I’m not saying where and I won’t be saying anything I’m working on unless it has already launched and I’m promoting it here for my friends and family).

*SIGH*

I think ultimately though, I just need to take a giant breath and relax. I mean, it’s somehow managed to work out thus far. I just need my luck to go a little further and carry me into August.

Here’s hoping!