Tuesday, May 25, 2010

On My Feelings for DC....

So, I’ve been meaning to think out my feelings for DC for quite some time. But, with the last weeks of school and finals and then moving out of my room taking over my life, I found it nearly impossible to actually think about my move.....So, here is my attempt to.

Please note though, this is completely stream-of-consciousness and as such should be taken with a grain of salt as it is merely my attempt to process my incredibly life-changing decision to (finally) go out on my own and move to D.C. for the summer.....

And so it begins:

I am scared out of my wits.

There, I said it. This is an insanely drastic and scary change. But, I am really excited. I have the opportunity to try out essentially what I want to do for the rest of my life in the city that I want to do it in!

I mean, who doesn’t want that?

But, I am scared. What if my housing doesn’t work out and I find myself homeless? My bank account can only hold me out for so long (yea, not that long to be truthful). And well, That is scary!

And what if I don’t like it? That would be the scariest thing to occur of all. This has been my dream for years. I mean, pretty much since I really considered thinking about the future I wanted to live in DC. And at that point, I had only visited for a week, during which I dove through a glass table.....

And well, I didn’t know much back then about the real world to be completely honest. Now, I do and I know that it’s a scary place where many people get eaten alive. What if I find that my dream is something that I cannot live with? What if I find that I simply do not belong there? What if.....

And there is much more than that....

My friend who had this internship last year found it horribly disheartening. He had the same basic dream as I did when he went in. And he found that dream shattered when he faced the reality of the situation back at the office.....

While I think he will still be in DC in the end, or at least at some point, I know that it really hit him hard.

What if my dreams are similarly shattered? Can I take that? Can my dreams take that? I mean, I understand that we do not always achieve our dreams and I know that life is hard and all that; but what if my life ends up in that way?

And then there is my living arrangements (again). What if I can’t handle the ridiculous commute, especially at night? I mean, I don’t plan on staying out in DC every night late but I know I want to some nights, I know some really awesome bands are coming. It’s just...well...it’s not like what happened a few weeks ago scares me or anything, I know that I generally am really safe, blah blah blah. But, there is always that what if. And it gets increasingly bigger when I realize that that “what if” has a higher probability to occur....

I mean really though, WHAT IF I DON’T LIKE IT!?

Sorry to be whinny.....

On the brighter side, I am really excited and I love the amazing opportunity that I have been given in being given this internship.

I also know how exciting the stuff I’ll be working on will be. I mean, I’m the intern where i WANT to be in! (For confidentiality’s sake, I’m not saying where and I won’t be saying anything I’m working on unless it has already launched and I’m promoting it here for my friends and family).


I think ultimately though, I just need to take a giant breath and relax. I mean, it’s somehow managed to work out thus far. I just need my luck to go a little further and carry me into August.

Here’s hoping!

Travel the Way of the 1800, By TRAIN!

Now anyone who know me knows that I LOVE public transportation. In fact that is one of the major contributing factors to why I do not have a license/car. I have always envisioned myself living in a city where I can rely upon public transportation so why bother?

Well, in the past this meant I have been reliant upon the metro and buses. But no more! I have discovered the beauty of Amtrack!

So, in moving to DC for the summer (College Park, MD actually but its right outside so hush!) I needed to find a way to get there. My mind obviously went to planes as that has been my major form of transportation for long distance travel in the past and I knew the route to DC well as I have flown it many times in the past both as a final destination and as a transfer point.

As such, I know the airports VERY well and have preferences and means of transportation out of them all once I get there (Well except Dulles because it’s SO far away! ).

Nonetheless, I realized that having to be financially responsible for the summer as I have a room to pay for I could not afford the steep price of a ticket to DC from Greeneville or from Charlotte, the two airports servicing my area. So I was in a dilemma....

Then I remembered an off-hand comment from my friend Emily. She told me (in a child-live fervor) “You can take the train!”. And so I had my other option, the train. And after looking at the prices, I found them reasonable enough (I mean, I am a poor college student afterall!).

So, I decided to “take the train!” Which thus far (Its been an hour and a half) has been a good idea. While it is a relatively long time (10.5 hours) I also find it really relaxing. It feels like I’m riding a plane with light turbulence very slowly along the ground.

Yea, I guess that’s the best way to describe it. But really, it’s quite fun. There is just some strange nostalgic feeling riding a passenger train along to the nation’s capital.

I cannot feel a strange connection to the Foreign diplomats who arrived in NYC only to be ushered to San Francisco by train through our nation (in a wonderful display of the power aspect of hegemony) to sign the United Nations into law.

It’s so nice to just know I am completely fine riding along on this train through our nation. And oddly, I feel a tinge of nationalism stirring inside of me knowing that I am doing something that is so steeped in American history and tradition while at the same time traveling through the country...all to the nation’s capital! So yea, I guess I have a reason for this nationalistic feeling.....

And more than that, it makes me feel like Chojiro/Sen from Spirited Away...most def one of my top five movies of all time. : D

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Almost there-ish

I'm almost halfway through my exam week (I count tomorrow afternoon as halfway through as by then I'll be done with all my tests).

Totally looking forward to Friday...but I also have to be mostly moved out by then so definitely not looking forward to having to pack, etc and then live out of a suitcase for a weekend before I have to do so for all summer.....

Also, I'm totally digging this song right now as a study tool/relaxation song. Enjoy.

Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition (Directors Cut HD) from Daniel Eskils on Vimeo.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Stuck in My Head....

I love Sufjan so much. His music has been a fixture on my iTunes and iPod for years now and while studying this song has seen a lot of play...I'm not too sure why, I just love how raw it is, especially when viewed in contrast to some of his other music on the Illinoise Album (not misspelled btw).

Where I'm living for the summer!

Now if only I could find a way to pay.....

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


about the no posts lately. I've been really good about blogging lately but I have been overrun with my workload lately. I'm just fighting to keep my head above water right now.

Hopefully things will calm down soon. And I think they will...or maybe that's just my optimism shining through.