The Modern Education Myth

So, this is something I have been meditating on for a while now and I simply need to put it down and start to develop this line of thought.

Education is a lie.

There, I said it. I know this sounds very odd; especially so when you realize that I am from a family predominately consisting of teachers and I am a person who when to a prestigious private college. But, it is true.

Bear with me, but education especially the modern state of education in America is a lie.

The current generation (the Millenials of which I am a part) were brought up being spoon fed lies around education. Essentially, the line goes: Go to school, do well and graduate high school. You will then go to a great college, do well and graduate. Next, you will find a great job, change the world, and be happy.

This is a f*cking lie. This is where the Millenial generation gets much of its distain for the other generations and where the overwhelming judgements of our lazy, self-serving, etc generation stem from. We grew up with these lies being told to us.

While this may have been true for GenXers and the Baby Boomers, simply put, this is not the case now. With the majority of a generation being told this is what you have to do to get a good life and this is the life you should live we find that we have thousands (if not more) of Millenials living lives where we are buried with student loan debt, as well as even more being underemployed.

Sorry to break it to the world America but not everyone should go to college. Yes, I believe that everyone should have the  opportunity to go to college but not everyone should. Simply but, people should be encouraged to follow their dreams, and whatever path that may take. If you don't want to have a job that requires a college education then DON'T GO TO COLLEGE. Simply, remain educated, constantly challenging yourself and pursue what you want to do.

Until we stop perpetuating this myth of education and happiness, we will NEVER solve neither our education nor our debt issues.

This being said, while I am fine being saddled with the debt that my education has afforded me, I do believe that there needs to be some form of federal intervention to aid the Millenial generation with their debt because simply but, it isn't our fault (at least wholly) that we are in this state.

Once some of these issues begin to be solved, I believe that the Occupy movement and many of our current social issues in general will be solved.

That's my two cents at least.

Yup

I've been defining my life in the moods of the music I've been listening to as of late. I don't know how I feel about this.

Nonetheless, I find it interesting.

And I don't think two of my dreams are going to happen and I think I'm oddly ok with that.

Getting Emotional

So, yesterday I did something that I am not too proud of but that was necessary nonetheless.

I told my dad off. Hard.

I usually try to keep my emotions in check and as such I have never really allowed myself to get angry at him unless I am alone. I never get truly angry or upset, or really anything at all. I know how dangerous it is to become too emotionally invested in a situation and lose your head and so I keep myself at a distance always so I know that I can limit the damage my emotions do to people. Obviously this isn't always a foolproof plan but I think nonetheless it is a plan that has worked for me and that I can live with.

(Note, the following story is biased...I can't help it but I'm trying not to be too bad....)

Yesterday though, I got caught up in the moment. My dad was telling my Mom off for not picking him up sooner to take him to pick up his car as he had taken it in to get the tires changed. But, my brother was off at a band competition so she was attending this with him (and I as I am hope for the week). My dad called telling her to come pick him up because his car was ready. She told him that he had to wait because she was helping my brother's band and was about to watch his show. She reminded him that she had told him that the earliest time she could do this was at about 6. It was 5.

He proceeded to tell her off and then hang up the phone on her.

We finished watching my brother's show and helping the band and immediately left (as in 3 minutes or less after his show ended not staying for awards). We raced over to our house to pick him up. On the way I called to tell him that we were close and to ask that he wait for us outside to expedite the process as we had to get back to my brother who needed to be picked up in about 20 minutes.

When we arrived, he wasn't outside.

After calling him again and getting ignored (2 rings...come on) he leisurely walked outside.

I don't fully remember this part...I apologize.

He was criticizing her inability to be available to pick him up earlier and she replied (rather harshly) that he should have simply stayed nearby as it only took about an hour and a half.

He replied saying that it had been longer. (I don't know how long it was but it did not seem to be longer than 2 hours at the most).

He proceed to criticize her for reasons not related to picking him up and she got upset.

Here, I responded chastising him for being inept at being able to understand the most basic needs of his family and subsequently his inability to be a proper father.

He responded with harsh criticism to my Mother on how poorly she raised me as evidenced by my lack of respect for him.

I replied (yelling) chastising him for being an unfit father and an even worse husband for his constant belittling of my Mother and his utter disregard for other people. Ultimately ending by saying that "I do respect people, but only people who deserve respect, which you obviously do not". I continued by saying that "I cannot wait until you [my dad] move to Texas [as he is doing within the next 2 months for a job] so I never have to see your sorry face again".

Not my smartest moment. My heart was racing and I could feel the adrenaline pulse through my body...my hands were shaking and even as I type it is hard to stop them from shaking.

He proceeded to belittle my attack by chastising my Mother again and making a belittling and childlike "uuuh" he does whenever I lambast him for his poor parenting in a poor attempt to slough it off.

We rode the rest of the 5 minutes in utter silence as I shook with rage attempting to stop myself from continuing my bombardment, my Mother drove in silent solemnity and my father I hope sat in silence reflecting on his poor decisions in parenting.

So yea, I kinda messed that one up.

While I keep my emotions in check in general, I simply cannot do so when my father is involved or when someone attacks my Mother. I wish I could if only to avert moments like this but I know that these moments come few and far between and also it is my deep caring for my Mother that drives this and I don't want to lose that.

So, I have to figure out what to do. I know that I ruined this relationship (due to this and many other smaller incidents) but at the same time I can't help but think that I can't be held at fault for this.

True, my hatred of my father is unbridled. But, it isn't ok that I unleash such rage on my father. Depsite this though, he treated my Mother, brother, and I so horribly through his psychological and verbal attacks that I have lost all respect for him. You simply cannot treat a human as dirt as long as he has without some sort of animosity appearing. Moreover, I know that I have deep-seated psychological issues that I can trace to him and cannot hope to address at any point in the near future much less what he did to my Mother or brother.

So, what am i to do? Simply live with the fact that I completely emasculated my father and despise him to the point that I hope I never see him again and that he lives alone for the rest of his life?

Does anyone deserve the thought I have for him? Or should I take a good-hard look at myself and how I have reacted to him and contemplate what I deserve in my treatment of the situation....

What's an existential college student to do?

My Failblog

Alas, I have failed you again my dear reader(s). I always assume that I have the wherewithal to use a blog and post to it properly and to ensure that it acts as it should (in my mind) as a place to openly fulfill some vain act of catharsis and exhibitionism at the same time. But, my life always seems to get in the way.

I always get too busy...or say that I am. And then fall to other more meaningless attempts at catharsis and exhibitionism in an attempt to achieve the same effect that blogging gives me.

But I feel so empty when I do these other activities as they do not inherently have the same mixture of catharsis and exhibitionism that blogging has.

Why then can I not simply blog?

I believe it stems from some psychological issue. I simply do not feel as if anybody really cares. And if they do, then they should not care about what goes on in my life.

I know that this sounds like a vain attempt to guilt someone in helping me or in giving me the satisfaction to know that I am loved, and loved dearly.

This isn't though.

Simply, this is the hidden nihilist within all of us rearing its ugly head. And now that he has had his time to kvetch he shall go dormant for another few months until his next moment of nihilism must be satiated.



On a better note: I recently spent almost all day with a HUGE hero of mine Ms Jacqueline Novogratz. She is breathtaking and a huge inspiration. Please read up about her. Her story is one for the ages and something everyone should read.