Thursday, February 11, 2010

Thoughts on the Day/Life/Whatever

So, I made a resolution to blog more...and I have found that a bit tiring. It's 12:30 and I haven't done all of my reading for tomorrow (it's not going to happen. I wish it could but it can't...I will be close though.) but I am blogging. Also, I have been quite of an insomniac as of late and subsequently feel as if I should not blog in that state of mind if only out of principle.

Then I realized one of the reasons that I wanted to blog in the first place: to complete some form of catharsis and reflect on the day. With the ultimate hope of freeing my mind a bit and allowing me to focus more clearly on the tasks at hand.

And well, I haven't quite been using it for that. I think I have simply used blogging as a way of affording my life some type of summary or assigning myself tasks to complete in an attempt to better myself.

Quite the opposite of what I wanted to do.

So, here goes.

School--as of late at least--has sucked. I have been focused on the summer and finding some form of internship and my future rather than school. And while it has been the first week, and thus I almost feel entitled to this, I know that I have not been giving school my best.

But, this has also given me quite a lot to do. I have 6 pages of papers for next week, have over 100 pages to read, and several hundred other menial tasks to complete.

And that is just week 1.

I think the main problem is that I have not been focused. I didn't prepare myself mentally for this semester. And I know I should have. This happens every year. But having such a weird schedule does not help either. I don't have class on Friday. and I only have 1 class on Monday and Wednesday, and that starts at 3. So, why bother doing anything before this?

I know I have to. And I will. It's just that...I don't really see any point yet. I feel as if everything is due next week and so that should be when I push myself to the limits.


But I also know that that is not me. I must push myself and I must find a way to motivate myself. I just don't want to right now.....

Ok, now I sound a bit too whiney. I think its time to stop.

Just know, I will get my act together. And it will be soon. And when that time comes, the would should be ready because I will be working faster and better than I ever have been. I feel a motivation stirring just under the surface of my mind that I have never felt before. This will be my semester. I know it.

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