Music.....

My Failblog

Alas, I have failed you again my dear reader(s). I always assume that I have the wherewithal to use a blog and post to it properly and to ensure that it acts as it should (in my mind) as a place to openly fulfill some vain act of catharsis and exhibitionism at the same time. But, my life always seems to get in the way.

I always get too busy...or say that I am. And then fall to other more meaningless attempts at catharsis and exhibitionism in an attempt to achieve the same effect that blogging gives me.

But I feel so empty when I do these other activities as they do not inherently have the same mixture of catharsis and exhibitionism that blogging has.

Why then can I not simply blog?

I believe it stems from some psychological issue. I simply do not feel as if anybody really cares. And if they do, then they should not care about what goes on in my life.

I know that this sounds like a vain attempt to guilt someone in helping me or in giving me the satisfaction to know that I am loved, and loved dearly.

This isn't though.

Simply, this is the hidden nihilist within all of us rearing its ugly head. And now that he has had his time to kvetch he shall go dormant for another few months until his next moment of nihilism must be satiated.



On a better note: I recently spent almost all day with a HUGE hero of mine Ms Jacqueline Novogratz. She is breathtaking and a huge inspiration. Please read up about her. Her story is one for the ages and something everyone should read.

Thoughts on the Day/Life/Whatever

So, I made a resolution to blog more...and I have found that a bit tiring. It's 12:30 and I haven't done all of my reading for tomorrow (it's not going to happen. I wish it could but it can't...I will be close though.) but I am blogging. Also, I have been quite of an insomniac as of late and subsequently feel as if I should not blog in that state of mind if only out of principle.

Then I realized one of the reasons that I wanted to blog in the first place: to complete some form of catharsis and reflect on the day. With the ultimate hope of freeing my mind a bit and allowing me to focus more clearly on the tasks at hand.

And well, I haven't quite been using it for that. I think I have simply used blogging as a way of affording my life some type of summary or assigning myself tasks to complete in an attempt to better myself.

Quite the opposite of what I wanted to do.

So, here goes.

School--as of late at least--has sucked. I have been focused on the summer and finding some form of internship and my future rather than school. And while it has been the first week, and thus I almost feel entitled to this, I know that I have not been giving school my best.

But, this has also given me quite a lot to do. I have 6 pages of papers for next week, have over 100 pages to read, and several hundred other menial tasks to complete.

And that is just week 1.

I think the main problem is that I have not been focused. I didn't prepare myself mentally for this semester. And I know I should have. This happens every year. But having such a weird schedule does not help either. I don't have class on Friday. and I only have 1 class on Monday and Wednesday, and that starts at 3. So, why bother doing anything before this?

I know I have to. And I will. It's just that...I don't really see any point yet. I feel as if everything is due next week and so that should be when I push myself to the limits.

Sigh.

But I also know that that is not me. I must push myself and I must find a way to motivate myself. I just don't want to right now.....

Ok, now I sound a bit too whiney. I think its time to stop.

Just know, I will get my act together. And it will be soon. And when that time comes, the would should be ready because I will be working faster and better than I ever have been. I feel a motivation stirring just under the surface of my mind that I have never felt before. This will be my semester. I know it.

WHAT!?

4 BLOGS IN 2 DAYS!!!!! I'M ON A ROLL!!!!!!

Ok, but really. I have taken my Project365 idea very seriously. So, to ensure that I followed through on it I decided to approach it by thinking of what I want out of my project or out of this year in general.

I want to live a better life.

I want to live as a better person.

I want to be willing to accept someone as a part of my life and have a real relationship. (Shocking, I know)

I want to become better at things that I'm not that good at right now.

I want to be happy.

I want a good job in the future and to pursue it.

I want to do well in school.

I want to be more financially secure.

I know that it's a lot. I know that I seem quite needy from all these "wants" but I truly want to work at living a better life. As such, I think I have found my second (or first depending on your view) Project365. I will do something new each day to make my life better.

It can be something as easy as waking up earlier, or eating breakfast. But ultimately, I want to end my project with 365 new additions to my life that make it better and more meaningful.

As such, I am launching a new blog. It's going to be called My Resolution Today. Through this blog, I will track my progress with my new resolutions and hopefully find some help and ideas on the way.

So please, take the time out of your day to help me out there. The link is on the right (or will be soon depending on when you are reading this).

And thanks for reading.

P.S. I'm thinking of changing the name of my blog. Let me know if you have any ideas.

Project365

So, I'm working on it....but in the mean time a friend and I are developing this.

It looks promising...especially once we get started on actually doing it.

I am taking suggestions for my real Project365...maybe a resolution a day or something...idk.

Also...

I want to start 2 Project 365s....

I just don't know what I want them to be quite yet nor how I will document them...stay tuned though.

On Why I Don't Blog And Why I Should

So, I've had this blog for quite some time and I don't really use it. I'm sorry my one fan, you do mean a lot to me...I swear.

I just don't believe I live an interesting life. Rather, I believe I live a rather average life and when I realize that I have done something awesome I forget how awesome it was (case in point: Kenya).

But I know that I should blog. I know that it is an overplayed form on online communication and nobody really cares (Again, sorry one fan but really, you have better things to do).

Nonetheless, I feel as if our world, specifically our digital world is losing its humanity. It used to be that on online journal could be read by thousands of individuals simply because a person was doing it. Now, in order to have a blog with more than one frequent viewer, you have to be blogging about something interesting, keep it short and at the same time update it frequently with links so that maybe somehow random people will stumble upon your blog and you can encourage them to be followers of your blog.

I say no.

So, this is is my resolution (late I know but whatever): I will work on blogging more often about my live, loves, etc in this new year. If for nothing else, so Blogger doesn't simply decide to delete my blog in order to save server space.

But really, this si something that I want to do, I've always wanted to do. I simply need to get off my butt and do it.

So please, if you do read this, comment. Let's turn this into a conversation about my life and loves incorporating your life and loves rather than simply a weird college student's musing on life.